She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
