I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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