He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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