this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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