Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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