We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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