Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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