I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
