Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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