Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
