Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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