she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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