You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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