i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
