It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
