Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He shit in the fireplace
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
