Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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