he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's blow job season.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
