He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
