WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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