they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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