did you get engaged???
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
