highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
