So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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