Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
