I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
