State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
