I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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