you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
