FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
