I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
