Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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