The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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