the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
