Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
