i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
