shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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