moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
