If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
