9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
