She's JV to your varsity
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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