We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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