I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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