We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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