im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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