I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
