Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
