i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
