He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
