I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
